even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
