Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
