You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
