Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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