that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
