come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
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Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
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You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
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