i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
