Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
