I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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