he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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