before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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