What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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