I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
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You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
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So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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