Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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