ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
