your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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