It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
