If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
