Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
