coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
