I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
