You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
