I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
