I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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