Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
