Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
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I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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