I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
