dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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