New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
