The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
