Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
