So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
