Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
True college students do jello shots in the library
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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