he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
