I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
