at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
