I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
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I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Someone came in the potted fern
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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