I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Can I color on your dick again?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
