i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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