I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
