Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
