vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
