Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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