I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
