I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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