My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
