Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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