Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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