what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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