she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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