i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
