I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
