We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
