Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
