I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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