Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
