Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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