sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
