I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The feeling are messing with the penis
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
