it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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