My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
