Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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