Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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