Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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