Your face is a jimmy john
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
