I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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