He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
