I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
