My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
