i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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