you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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