I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
