Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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