How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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