Fuck appropriateness.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
